HOW TO: Finding Inspiration When You Feel Like Everything Around You is in Flames and You Can't Figure Out Why

HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
 

It's been two hundred and twenty four days since I moved to New York. It's been two hundred and twenty one since I last logged into this digital journal of sorts. Seemed unwarranted and frivolous to fill this space with newness, when I wasn't internalizing it in a way that was positive. I was in the mindset of just going through the motions. Not much of digesting, analyzing or caring went into it. Things were happening, things were getting done and a new day with more things to handle showed up. 

 
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
 

Somehow I had built up this idea that not feeling 100% like myself in a place that had always been my dream to live in, was the price to pay for leaving home. I was perfectly happy with my new job, was slowly starting to call my new apartment a home. But, late at night when all I could hear were my thoughts, I would tap into a place of fear. Am I doing the right thing? Is this the right place? 

I would wake up to texts from friends, "why haven't you posted more photos?", "when's your next shoot?", "are you ok?"... It would definitely get to me. Why wasn't I planning my next shoot or uploading more photos? Why wasn't I the least bit excited to go out with my camera like before? But, the question that would really play mind games with me was the shortest one. Was I OK?

 
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
 

Whenever I start to feel like something's off. I try to joke about it, to get it off my chest to someone. Anyone who's willing to listen. In passing, my roommate asked me what I was going to do on my day off. I remember saying something along the lines of, "finally gonna go out with my camera to see if it helps me feel better cause I've not been feeling like myself in a while." It was the first time I heard myself say it out loud and quite honestly, it made go out with a sense of purpose. Even if it was just testing out my new lens. It felt good to walk around and use this city's "carelessness" to my advantage. One of the huge perks about walking around New York City is that not one person cares what you're doing. Crying? Yelling at the subway because it left the second before you got there? Getting on top of a bench to take a photo of a lone leaf in the middle of a busy street? No one cares. There's a certain freedom in reminding yourself that you are just one human in one of the most diverse cities in the world. Outside, among the careless, we pretend that everything is alright. Inside, in the four walls that we call a home, we are all just trying to get by. That night I felt less alone.

 
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY

 

Deadlines just become deadlines, when you realize you are your own priority. 

 

HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
 

So in order to find inspiration, I jotted down all the things that I would need to feel more like myself. Small things like, get new body wash that smells good and buy more plants, made the list. Big things like, finally planning the Mexico trip were also there. But, the first thing on the list was get out of the city for the day. I've been planing to go to Beacon with my roommate since we first moved in, a little over six months ago. Everything about this day trip was exactly what I needed to start getting back into grove of things. Train ride between mountains and nature. Having a quick bite while exploring the neighborhood. Being in the moment through every step and shadow that we came across in the museum. Even the dumplings we had on our way back home.

Crossing off that first item on the list was immensely fulfilling. So much, that I have a new list each month in my bullet journal. Everything that doesn't get done that month, rolls over to the next. The feeling of sitting down and really digging through what can help in it self is helping me feel like myself again. There's a sense of purpose. Even if that purpose is developing the habit making myself breakfast the night before so I can have 30 more minutes of down time at home before a heavy workday.   

Deadlines just become deadlines, when you realize you are your own priority. 

 
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY
HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY

 

If you're feeling like things are just happening around you and you're just there for the ride, please know that you're not alone in this feeling. For me, taking matters into my own hands meant sitting down and evaluating what I need more of and less of. Maybe it could also work for you. 

 

So, I made a list template that you can download here

 

(THE FEEL BETTER LIST) HOW TO: FINDING INSPIRATION WHEN YOU FEEL LIKE EVERYTHING AROUND YOU IS IN FLAMES AND YOU CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHY